Marking Time
by whiteswan
Summary: What might have happened around the end of season 3 had JJ not become pregnant.  AU after In Heat.


Marking Time

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds belongs to CBS. I promise to put them away relatively unharmed when I'm done playing with them.

Summary: AU after "In Heat"

Prompt: "We really need to talk" JJ-'The Crossing'

It had started out simply enough. He'd flirted with her from the moment they'd met and by the time the team had solved the case, she'd decided to give him a chance. They talked a few times a week and on the rare occasion that their days off coincided, one of them would hop on a flight so they could spend a few days together. From the start, she didn't expect it to last forever; long-distance relationships weren't easy under the best of circumstances and she wasn't looking for forever right now. But it was fun, there were no expectations involved and best of all, as far as she could tell, the team didn't have a clue. Garcia knew, of course, but other than her best friend, it was her little secret. She loved the team but still clung to that little bit of her life that existed outside of the BAU.

And so it went for six months or so. Of course, there were some rough spots and annoyances, her schedule being only one of them. After the first couple of times that she had to cancel their plans at the last minute due to an urgent case, he began to drop hints about her changing jobs. "Why do you do somethin' so dang'rous, chére?" "Haven't you ever thought 'bout doin' something a little steadier, JJ?" It only got worse after Gideon left the team and then Hotch's wife left him shortly afterwards. Hotch had inherited a great deal of Gideon's responsibilities in addition to his own and JJ quietly took on some of his in turn, to lighten his load. An increased case load, integrating Rossi into the team and doing her best to support her friend through the rough patches of his divorce took even more time away from her relationship; something Will became more vocal in his dislike of. It got to the point where any mention of the team would cause an argument.

Then there was the jealousy. At first it was flattering that he was so worried about losing her to someone else, despite the rough patches in the relationship. But it became more pronounced as time went on; it wasn't helped by the fact that a great deal of her time at work was spent with Hotch, reviewing reports or case files on a near-daily basis, in addition to traveling for cases. While he was wary of the other guys to a point as well, it was her professional interaction and friendship with Hotch that seemed to bother Will the most. While she would admit, if only to herself, that she harbored a bit of a crush on her boss and had for some time now, he was happily married and she would never do anything to jeopardize that. They were, however, friends and confidants, a role she treasured and was content with. She was the first to know when Haley had left him; she'd known the next day when she saw him after the case in Milwaukee, though he said nothing to anyone. It was only confirmed with his increasingly late hours at the office, long before the divorce papers were served. Once he realized that she knew, the time she spent talking to him, lending an ear to help him through that difficult time caused even more resentment from Will, despite her reassurances that there was nothing more than friendship between them.

The lowest point in their relationship came after Garcia had been shot by a local cop turned angel of death and JJ had to shoot him in the bullpen of the BAU to defend the rest of the team. While she had always been an excellent shot, it was the first time she'd actually had to kill someone. Long after the others had gone home; she'd sat at her desk and called Will, hoping for a sympathetic ear that she could pour out her feelings to. Instead she got an earful about not having called in a few days and the very mention of the team escalated into an argument before she could even explain what the case had been about. It was Hotch who'd found her sobbing at her desk a half-hour later when he returned from explaining everything to the brass upstairs; he'd led her to his office, sat her on the couch and held her hand until she calmed down and was able to talk about it. He'd talked her through the aftermath of her first kill and kept an eye on her for a couple of weeks afterwards to make sure she was coping alright. Will only got around to asking her about what had been bothering her a week later when he'd called Garcia in an attempt to reach her while she was on a case and found out that Penelope was still on medical leave. He'd wanted to talk then but by then she was in no mood to confide in him, which only led to another argument.

JJ knew that the relationship was dying a slow death and felt less and less inclined to keep it on life support as time went on. During her last couple of visits, in addition to their general disagreements regarding her schedule, it was becoming more and more clear that he hoped she'd decide to quit her job, move to New Orleans and be content to be a stay-at-home wife and eventually mother, a role she had no desire to fill. Not that she didn't like children, or want them eventually, she just didn't see herself filling that role alongside him, especially not the way he clearly envisioned it. To her, he wanted to cast aside the parts of her personality that had initially attracted him to her and force her into a mold she wasn't meant for.

But things came to a head when the team was called to Florida for a case and found Will there as well, identifying one of the victims. He spent most of the time they were there pressuring her to tell the team about 'them,' ignoring for the hundredth time her reasons for not wanting to and generally being irritable that she refused to share his room. She nearly ended it right then and there but tried to keep the relative peace for the sake of the case. She could feel the speculative gazes of her teammates on them several times as she argued with him; if they hadn't known already, they'd probably guessed everything by now, damn it. By the end of the case Will had made it clear that he wanted more from her, soon. She didn't want to have the difficult conversation she knew was coming in front of the team so she'd said she'd call him soon. That had been a week ago.

The bout of nausea that hit a few days after coming home from Florida didn't concern her at first until she realized that she also hadn't had her cycle in a couple of months. Considering the stress and case load they'd had the last few months, not to mention the fact that her romantic relationship had been slowly deteriorating and with it, their intimate relationship, she hadn't thought anything of it. But now she was worried.

So here she sat at her desk, staring at the blood test results in her hand and thinking about her relationship with Will. He was sweet and could be charming. He obviously cared about her, or at least the version of her that he chose to see. But over time, the things that had bothered her seemed even more relevant now. In addition to the jealousy issue, he had a habit of drinking both on and off the job. And while he'd always brushed it off when she'd commented on it, ('it's a cultural thing chére') it had always made her uneasy. There was also the fact that they obviously had radically different visions of the future. Now this….

Pregnancy test: **negative**.

The relief she'd felt when she'd saw that eight letter word was indescribable. While she did want kids someday, he was definitely not the person she wanted them with. The forty-eight hour stomach bug she'd picked up, on top of the stress that had messed up her cycle and compromised her immune system, according to her doctor, made her admit for once and for all that it was time to end this. She'd been marking time with him but now it was time to stop marking time and move forward…separately.

Picking up her phone, JJ dialed and waited for him to pick up, "Will, we really need to talk."

It wasn't an easy conversation; Will urged her over and over to change her mind, even offering to move up to Virginia. He claimed he could live with her job; she knew it would never work out. She tried to be as kind and diplomatic about it as possible, taking her share of the blame for things not working out, but firmly told him that they were done. When she hung up the phone she let out a huge sigh. It was over.

It had been two weeks since she'd ended her relationship with Will. Two weeks of daily phone calls, texts and emails asking her to reconsider. She'd answered the first few then began ignoring them, hoping he'd take the hint. He didn't. Now he was calling again, at the absolute worst time, as she was hurrying across the tarmac on the way to New York for what promised to be a rough case. Hoping to get him to back off so she could concentrate on the case, she decided to answer.

"Jareau."

"Chére, listen. I'm sorry, whatever I did. Can't we just…"

"Will, the answer is no. I'm heading out on a case. Stop calling, I'm not going to change my mind."

"But JJ…."

"Good-bye Will." Hitting the 'end' button with a little more force than was strictly necessary, she hurried to board the plane.

Two days later, she was exhausted; the team was having a hard time with this case and she was going flat out to keep the press from creating a city-wide panic. Add in the addition of dealing with an unfamiliar unit chief who, despite her friendship with Hotch, brought up more than a few memories of the past months' difficulties for JJ due to her strong resemblance to Haley, and it had been a very long two days. As the team wearily made its way across the hotel lobby, she heard a most unwelcome voice.

"Chére, I heard what was goin' on. Are y'all ok?"

Damn, he must have seen one of the press conferences on the news. Sighing inaudibly, she turned to face him, "Will, what are you doing here?"

He looked confused, "Well, I was worried about you and wanted to see you. So I figured I'd come up here and we could talk."

Obviously, he felt this was a big romantic gesture that would get her to change her mind. She could almost hear the mental sighs of 'how sweet' that would be passing through Prentiss and Garcia's minds; she hadn't gotten around to telling Penelope about the breakup yet. She on the other hand was not charmed or romanced; she was pissed. She crossed her arms and demanded, "Why?"

Two things changed with that one word: Will looked stunned at her attitude and the team at her back tensed. Obviously, this wasn't a welcome gesture. "What do you mean chére? I just told you, I was worried about you."

"We have nothing to talk about. I'm not yours to worry about anymore. I told you before Will, it's over. Go home and quit calling me."

"But Jay…"

"Will, enough. I'm exhausted, stressed and annoyed. We're over, leave me alone." Ignoring the angry look on his face at her refusal to talk to him, she turned back to the team and barely kept from stopping short at their expressions. Morgan, Prentiss and Rossi were looking at Will warily; Reid was obviously trying to process the whole thing, Garcia looked ticked off and Hotch…

Hotch had a mixture of hurt and anger in his eyes, though the rest of his face was as impassive as ever. He was the first to turn away towards the elevators and she hurried to catch up to him, disregarding the others behind her; it went unnoticed that they took their time in catching up. When she was steps away, she quietly called his name, "Hotch." Their eyes met as he turned back towards her and they communicated as much silently as they did with words, as they always did. '_Talk to me, what's wrong?'_

"JJ, you could have told me." _'You could have told me that you broke up, that he was giving you a hard time.'_

"I know." _'I didn't want to worry you; you've had enough on your mind.'_

"I'll understand if you need to take some time." _'I worry about you anyways. I'm your friend, remember?'_

"Absolutely not. I'm fine." _'I know and I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm alright. Can we please drop it?'_

He nodded and they continued towards the elevators as the rest of the team rejoined them. They still had a case to solve and they needed their rest.

A few days later, their case was solved and they were on their way home. Hotch wasn't able to fly due to the damage to his ears from the explosion so JJ and Rossi, as the ones best able to handle a grumpy Hotch, were 'elected ' to drive back to Quantico with him in a rental car. Conversation was limited for the first couple of hours into the ride, partly due to Hotch's hearing and partly due to them all generally processing the events and grief of the last few days. However, at one point during a rest stop, JJ and Hotch were left alone, leaning against the car as they awaited Rossi's return with their lunch. Surprisingly, Hotch was the one to break the silence, "JJ, we need to talk soon." It was the statement of a concerned friend, not her supervisor. "You know you can come to me with anything, right?"

She nodded, "Of course I do Hotch. I just didn't want to worry you. We'll talk in a few days; you need to rest when we get back to Quantico.

"I'm holding you to that." They exchanged small smiles then fell silent as Rossi approached with his hands full of food.

The remainder of the drive home was slightly more lighthearted than the beginning. Hotch dozed off soon after lunch and Rossi took the opportunity to tell JJ some stories of the stoic Unit Chief's early days with the BAU. Her laughter during one particularly embarrassing story woke the man in question, who berated Rossi good naturedly for telling tales before getting his revenge by relating some of Rossi's inter-office romantic mishaps over the years. They knew that when they got home they still had reports to file, friends to mourn and in one case, a talk to have. But as she laughed with her two friends, JJ felt for the first time in a long time that she was moving forward in her life, rather than just marking time.

Finis


End file.
